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How to Deal With an Angry Child

How to Deal With an Angry Child


– The importance of anger in children

– Manifestations of anger in the angry child

– Temper tantrums vary according to age

– Calming a choleric child

It is common to encounter behavioral issues in children, generally due to too many poorly managed emotions. Parents of shy, angry, or hyperactive children must learn to react correctly to these disorders so that the child can manage his or her outbursts.

The importance of anger in children

Even at birth, babies experience frustration for the first time. Screaming and crying is the only way to express himself. Anger is, therefore, a feeling that needs to be expressed. Anger is therefore normal. The tantrums of toddlers are nothing compared to those of older children. They usually increase with age until about 3 years of age.

In the brain of the toddler, links are already established. He has unconsciously discovered an unstoppable way to make those around him and his parents react by shouting to obtain a favorable response. Getting angry is natural; it allows the child to avoid repressing his feelings or turning the anger against himself. Tantrums are a normal part of a child’s development, especially at the age when a child begins to learn and walk. Small children often throw tantrums for three main reasons:

– because they are overwhelmed by their feelings or sensations, your refusal to give in can make them angry ;

– because they have learned from experience that getting angry is the way to get what they want;

– because they want your attention or feel neglected.

Manifestations of anger in the angry child

Angry Child

Anger is a primary emotion like joy, grief, fear, disgust, and surprise. It is a spontaneous and natural affective reaction that is expressed by different manifestations such as:

– redness in the face;

– accelerated heartbeat;

– sometimes a loss of consciousness (sobbing spasm);

– screams, kicks, rage movements;

– vomiting;

– self-mutilation, etc.

Note: it is essential to distinguish between an angry child and a violent or aggressive child, even though aggressiveness and violence are often attitudes caused by anger.

Angry children: tantrums vary according to age

Angry Child

Tantrums usually begin around 8 months of age and escalate until the age of 3, when they reach their peak, with tantrums that can last for more than an hour. From the age of 3 onwards, while tantrums are normal, some strong, extroverted temperaments may express themselves particularly loudly and with aggressive gestures.

On the other hand, tantrums in children over 6 years of age are often different. They are not the result of a loss of control but rather a takeover. They are more about punishing the parent, who is often the source of the frustration. The rule is to ensure that the child does not get anything by doing this.

In older children, the causes of anger can be an indication of high anxiety, impulsivity problem, or simply a bad habit that the child has not yet overcome.

Calming an angry child

A child caught up in his anger has lost control of his emotions. Making him listen to reason during a crisis is useless. Here are a few ways to help him calm down:

– During the crisis, let him calm down alone by isolating him in his room or ignoring him.

– When he is calm, you can allow him to leave his room. You can then discuss his behavior with him and ask him why he got angry and what he thinks of his reaction.

– Finally, ask the child to apologize and “fix” any damage he or she may have done.

– Hug the child and remind him/her how much you love him/her. It’s the tantrums that you don’t like.

– Remember to set an example by controlling your anger and frustration.

Good to know: on the other hand, children sometimes suffer the anger of their parents through spankings, slaps, insults… The law now prohibits ordinary educational violence.

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