Why Fear Is Not the Best Way to Discipline Your Kid?
Parenting is an art. It’s about supporting your child physically, mentally, emotionally, economically, socially, spiritually and intellectually from infancy to adulthood. It’s about raising them with love and affection but also making sure that they learn the rules, regulations and ethics of society in order to grow into responsible adults. And, during that process, you have no other choice than to change from an affectionate parent to an authoritative one.
Disciplining your kids is the only way to set boundaries and teach them responsible behavior and self-control. To me, child discipline isn’t only about educating children on how to behave in society and what is expected of them; it’s more about making them understand the consequences of bad behavior and encouraging good behavior. There is not just one right way but lots of good ways to discipline your kid and unfortunately, there are lots of wrong ways too. Discipline is about teaching your kids right from wrong but it is not synonymous with “punishing” or “hitting.”
According to some experts, the word “discipline” refers to “learning” and thus, when you discipline your kid, you are actually teaching and guiding him. However, learning cannot be imposed and when you are hitting or making your kid fear you, you are not teaching him but forcing him to do certain things that would please you. And, this fear-based discipline technique might only work for a short span of time.
Fear-Based Parenting: Why to Avoid It?
Parents who use fear as a factor to instill discipline believe that fear is the beginning of wisdom. Let me tell you that in 98 % of cases, fear-based parenting is considered ineffective.
You see, a child needs to know that you are an ally, not a threat. You are supposed to be on the same team. Of course, disciplining your kids means that you have to set limits and rules and when your kids overstep these boundaries, there must be consequences. However, when I’m referring to consequences, I’m talking about time-outs, losing privileges, etc.
For one moment, put yourself in their shoes and think about how you would respond if your parents would constantly hit you or threaten you. Who on earth wants to be ruled by fear?
When you instill fear in your kids, you might get them to do what you want or what’s good, but you will be the cause of their anxiety issues, trust problems and other mental health conditions.
Also, discipline induced through fear tends to be short-lived. Children who are only disciplined because they are afraid of their strict and authoritative parents will end up misusing their freedom the minute they find it.
Fear-Based Parenting: How to Stop It?
Control Your Anger
I was watching a documentary about parenting and there was a father who constantly threatened his kids because he had anger issues.
There are many parents in the world who have anger issues and thus tend to vent their frustration on their kids. And, sometimes, even the most innocent antics of their kids would upset them a lot.
If you are one of them, I would strongly suggest you control your anger before it controls you and ends up running your kids’ lives.
There are many parents out there who keep telling their kids they will throw them out of the house if they don’t do this or that. This gives me the impression of a dictator. Stop talking to your kids as if you are a gangster and give them some respect.
Discipline With Love
I know it’s hard to even think of the word “love” when your kid is constantly throwing tantrums, but if you want to raise your kids properly, please try to discipline them with love and not with fear.