Parenting is really hard. According to the rules, as a parent, you must always be there to encourage, praise, negotiate, care and support your kid. However, sometimes it becomes really difficult to stand by a kid who’s always disrespecting you or defying your orders. And, during those terrible times, you might unknowingly say things that you’d wish you’d never say to them.
“Why Can’t You Be More Like X or Y?”
Every parent wants their kids to be independent, kind, generous, caring and hard-working. However, that doesn’t mean you should compare them with other kids and ask them to be better like X or Y. From the perspective of psychology, parents think that if they compare their kids, they will end up working harder and trying to meet their parents’ expectations. Wrong!
If you keep telling your kids how awesome, how talented or how well-behaved other children are, well, the message is clear: “I wish you were more like her/him.” And, what would be stuck with your kid is, “You are not good enough” and believe me, that would really hurt.
Parents often compare their kids with their own cousins or friends and these constant comparisons would make your kids hate them. In other words, your kids might end up growing up with that hatred and with that terrible feeling that they were never good enough for their parents.
“I Hate You.”
When a parent says, “I love you,” it means that they are going to love you unconditionally and will support you in anything you do. It can also mean that they accept you the way you are and will stand by your side even if you are in your worst phase.
Now, if those three simple words can be so powerful, imagine what can “I hate you” mean to a kid.
In general, these words are very strong and hurtful and I think these words can only be uttered when you are truly hurt. However, using them against a kid is unforgivable.
I get that children can be rude, naughty and downright evil sometimes but even when you punish them, they know somehow that you still love them. There may be even times when your kids might say, “I hate you.” But, for a parent to say those words, it’s a very big deal for kids.
Here’s what would happen if you repeatedly tell your kid not to cry:
They would build hard walls of ice around them as a barrier of self-defense; they would stop having heart-to-heart conversations; and they wouldn’t admit it but they would suffocate themselves slowly to the point of reaching an emotional demise.
Countless studies have proved that people who didn’t believe in the importance of crying have succumbed to substance abuse, addiction to alcohol, loneliness and forms of devilish indulgences. In some cases, it has even led to suicide.
I don’t understand why many parents consider crying as a weakness. Crying is more than just an outburst of tears rolling down; it’s an emotional release from burdens and baggage that’s holding you back from expressing your deepest fears.
According to several anonymous writers on Quora, they were often told that they would never succeed because their parents weren’t able to achieve their dreams.
I keep hearing people saying how kids these days are becoming ruder, more obnoxious and lazier, which is why they are most likely to fail in life. Your kid is not behaving, fine, smack him or do whatever you feel is right to punish him, but don’t tell him, “You will never succeed.”
Out of frustration or out of anger, it can happen to tell your kids that they are lazy spoilt brats or that they are a big disappointment –okay, that one hurts – but telling your kids that they will never succeed in life can damage their self-esteem as well as their relationship with you.